Moments
by ApatheticImagination
Summary: Life is a series of defining moments and the consequences in between. M for language and (non-explicit) sexual references.
1. Breaking Point

**A/N:** I swear to god this show will be the death of me. It's got me looking at _tumblr_ and writing _fanfiction_ for God's sake! On that note this is my first fanfic. Ever. So be as harsh or gentle as you like, as long as you're fair about it. This isn't as long as I would like it to be but the pacing just ran away from me and I felt that if I didn't break the chapter where I did that it wouldn't be as —powerful? moving? emotional?— _something_ an ending as I would like. There is also at least one more chapter to come, but I make no promises about when that may be.

Finally, I should say that this story was written at one in the morning the day (or day after, I suppose) I watched episode 3 for the first time, so no, I have _no_ idea where this idea came from.

Enjoy.

* * *

**Chapter 1 **- Breaking Point

There are moments when you find yourself doing something so completely out of character that it forces you to take a good, long look at yourself. And, depending on what exactly you're doing, ask yourself _what the fuck_?

* * *

The first time was an accident; a moment of anger, hurt and desperate, heady _need_. Like so many hasty decisions, it also involved quite a lot of alcohol.

Amy didn't normally drink, in fact, left to her own devices she wouldn't go anywhere near the stuff, and not just because of the fuzzy memories of her father yelling at one in the morning. She was _different_ when she was drunk. Some time after the fourth or fifth drink her shy, reserved nature gave way to the blunt, sarcastic, in-your-face facet of her personality that only Karma had ever seen before. When she just cut loose, said what she thought, did what she wanted and damn the consequences.

Consequences like waking up in a bed that isn't yours in a house that you haven't been to before with someone laying next to you that you have to struggle to remember their name.

_Jess_, she thought. A slight frown. _Or was it Jazz?_

After leaving said house as fast as she could without obviously running away, she made her way home —wandering for around ten minutes before finding a street she knew— and managed to breeze past Bruce and her mother after mumbling something vague about "being at Karma's."

Secure behind her locked door and huddled up in every blanket in arm's reach, she finally, painfully, pulled herself out of her willfully numb state of mind and let herself break down into tears.

* * *

She was at a party she didn't like, surrounded by people she barely knew and having her ears nearly deafened by the loud music and pure, unadulterated _noise_ of dozens of drunken teenagers. Again.

And her best friend —who was _still_ pretending to be her girlfriend for whatever illogical, irrational reason she had come up with— was practically throwing herself at _him _so obviously she might as well have been carrying a sign saying "I want to fuck you." Again.

And she was sitting, seething, silently glaring daggers at _him_ and fighting the urge to run over there and introduce _his_ face to her fists —for whatever irrational, illogical reason she was _still_ deliberately _not _thinking about. Again.

She needed a drink. Badly.

* * *

She wasn't sure how long the girl had been there. One second she was drifting in that not-quite-drunk-but-far-from-sober way and imagining doing things to _him_ that were a far cry from karma's fantasies, the next there was a click, a flurry of hand movement and a girl was standing in front of her, snapping her fingers to get her attention.

"Hey there. Back among the living?"

Despite the circumstances, it took a while for her to register that this girl was speaking to _her_. She was still sober enough to know she wasn't sober at all and it took effort to bury the immediate "_obviously_" that tried to worm its way out of her throat. Somehow, the "What?" that she did manage to choke out fully communicated the _who are you, what are you talking about and why the hell are you talking to me_ that was running through her head.

Or maybe she actually said that and she was drunker than she thought. She was a little fuzzy on that point.

"Hi, I'm Jess. We have Chemistry together."

A statement, not a question. _I know her?_ Running an eye over the figure before her, she took in the red hair pulled back into a short ponytail, the tank-top that hugged her upper body tightly and bared a single inch of smooth skin; the denim short-shorts that left little to the imagination and the long, tanned legs that ended in a pair of battered, well worn converse.

Shaking her head to clear the alcohol-induced cloud that had settled over it —and mostly failing to achieve that goal— she leaned back and looked up at the redhead's face, desperately running through everything she remembered about the girl. _Chemistry... chemistry..._ An image of a blonde and a redhead giving a speech on _something_ flashed through her mind. _Redhead, sporty. Some kind of athlete, I think_. _Always sits in the back with the blonde with the big breasts. _It wouldn't be until much, much later that she would consider just how she was classifying her classmates, but she forced a friendly —in her mind— smile onto her face and replied in as polite and friendly a voice as possible, "Amy."

The voice made it quite clear she was not feeling particularly polite or friendly.

* * *

Somehow the redh- _Jess_, took that in stride. Amy's particular brand of biting sarcasm met witty optimism and they just kept rolling from there. Barb for barb, joke for joke, mildly-insulting-anecdote for mildly-insulting-anecdote. At some point the gir- _Jess_ had sat down next her, squeezing a little closer than absolutely necessary. Neither of them seemed to notice.

Then, after what seemed an age but was probably closer to ten minutes, Amy glanced back over at her best friend. Karma's jacket was off, draped over the back of the couch and she was alone, eyes following something off to one side. A further glance revealed _him _facing away from them, receiving a pair of cups from a faceless teenager she didn't bother paying attention to. Looking back at Karma, she had to fight down bile at the look of mixed lust and desire that was plastered all over that perfect face, at the way her friend was alternately clenching her fists and drumming her fingers —a nervous tick she knew meant that Karma wanted something. Badly.

Tearing her eyes away from the sight of her love-slash-lust crazed friend, she returned her gaze to the redhead beside her, focusing on hiding the flare of dull, empty _pain _that rose up in her; on ignoring the burning _ache_ of desire. She was so focused on Karma, in fact, that when she was once again facing her new acquaintance her guard was down and she _noticed_ Jess in a way she had been pointedly _not _noticing her; the way her eyes gleamed in the light, the silky smooth feel of the girl's fingers running up and down her arm, the way her chest rose and fell with her breathing... which made it quite clear that Jess was not wearing a bra.

It was with an oddly disconnected, dispassionate feeling that Amy realised one, _she is _so _hot_; two, _holy crap she's flirting with me_; and thirdly, _oh I am _so _gay_.

Strangely comforted by these new, unexpected, and frankly _scary_ revelations, she risked one more glance at Karma, at her crush, at the girl she was so clearly in love with...

And let out a low growl as she was in time to see Karma's face light up with joy, her eyes gleam and her head nod; to read the words on _his_ lips, "Want to go somewhere more... private?"

Pain was too bland a word to describe it. It was agony; white hot, burning claws tearing into her chest, stopping her breathing, stopping her thinking, stopping her _living_. And then, like warm breath on a Winter's morning it was gone, lost to the winds of incandescent fury.

In all her fifteen years, Amy had never been so angry. Not when her father walked out, not when her mother had started ignoring her "sinful" daughter, not even when Karma had sung for _him_, had done something for that-, that-, _boy_ that she would never do just for _her_.

So she _used_ it. Molded the pain, the anger and turned it into confidence as she settled her gaze fully on the girl in front of her, as she moved closer, placed her hand gently but firmly upon Jess' bare thigh and ran it down those long, toned legs as she whispered in a low, husky and totally un-amylike tone, "Want to get out of here?"

She relished the small shiver that ran through Jess, the way her eyes widened slightly and the smirk that graced the redhead's face, mischievous and lustful as the girl closed the distance between them, pressing her body against Amy's arm as she whispered in just as low and husky and _sexy_ a tone, "Your place or mine?"

And she answered. Amy wasn't in love, and she didn't want a girlfriend, because Jess wasn't Karma. But right then, at that moment, she was good enough.

* * *

There was kissing, groping; pleasure. The delicious feel of skin on skin, mouth on mouth, mouth on skin. Sound; rich deep moans, shortened breath and of lips on lips. More pleasure.

For a while, for those few, short, _glorious_ hours, she forgot. Forgot she was in love with her best friend since forever —her _straight_ best friend since forever. Forgot that the girl in her arms wasn't the one she really wanted. Forgot that there would be a tomorrow, that she would have to think, have to _feel_ again. So she reveled in it. Buried herself in the passion, in the action and reaction, in the _pleasure_.

Right before the exhaustion and alcohol claimed her, when her head finally hit the pillows, she felt a tiny sliver of guilt squirm it's way into her stomach. Then she threw her arm over her bedmate, pulled her close and lost herself in blissful sleep.


	2. Introspection

**A/N:** First things first: GamerKid, Guest-whose-name-I-don't-know, _thank you _for the reviews. I means a lot to me to have someone not only take the time to read my work, but to complement it as well. I hope you enjoy the ride because frankly, I've got no bloody idea where it's going.

I feel obligated to admit that I _may_ have written this entire chapter _just _to use that "Mom would be proud" line. And I'm not really happy it either; I don't really feel that it lives up to the first and the mood is off what I wanted it to be (See below). Don't expect this pace to last. Chapter 3 is being an uncooperative pain in the ass so I don't see it being done for at least a couple of days, possibly more.

I never really got what authors meant when they said that characters sometimes wrote themselves until it happened to me, but _man _do I get it now. _*ahem*_ On a related note... Amy, darling, I _know_ you're a strong, tolerant woman —and we all love you for that— but _what the hell_! You were supposed to _angst the fuck out_, not suck it up, reason it out and _accept_ it! Where's the drama in that?! You _know_ I'm going to have to pay you back for that in chapter 3, right? (also, I have to write a chapter 3 because _god_ this chapter was so... _not negative_)

Enjoy.

* * *

**Chapter 2 **- Introspection

The only person you cannot hide from is yourself, and that is not always such a good thing.

* * *

_Introspection_, Amy had decided, _is rarely a pleasant thing_. An apt observation, she felt, since it had taken her a good half hour to run out of tears and stop mentally screaming long enough to decide what to freak out over first. Oddly —or perhaps not, given that denial seemed to be one of her strong suits— what her tear-stained brain chose to focus on was that Jess and Karma were nothing alike. Physically, at least, although Amy was surprised to realise that she knew next to nothing about the girl other than the way she looked, even after they had—

She cut off that train of thought before it could distract her from her self-image collapsing in on itself.

_Time enough for that later_.

What concerned her the most, about Jess at least, was that she _didn't care —w_hich was really quite callous of her, now that she thought about it. But it was true. Even now, after the anger, adrenaline and raw, unmitigated _lust_ had worn off, _she didn't care_. All she cared about was that Jess had been hot, sexy and _there_ when she needed a distraction rather desperately.

She got the distinct impression she should feel guilty about that, and the fact that she didn't made her feel a little guilty in and of itself, but she pushed it away with the rationale, however weak, that _she was into it too_.

Which was a whole other kettle of fish that she wasn't going to touch right now since it would probably lead to a few... indulgences that would be detrimental to the whole 'mental breakdown' thing she had going on right now.

So what else was making the sky fall and the world end and pigs fly? _I just lost my virginity in a drunken one night stand with a stranger after a party_. Even in her miserable state, she couldn't hold back a snort of sarcastic amusement. _I finally did something _'normal'_. Mom would be so proud. _

With that thought her mood soured all over again. Amy knew that she had blindsided her mother with her 'fake coming out' —_not so fake_, she amended— but it still hurt that her mom couldn't act normally around her. To give credit where it was due, she was _trying_, but it seemed she just didn't know how to handle it. And, like Amy, if Farrah Raudenfeld didn't know how to handle something, she ignored it until it went away or threw something in her face that she literally _couldn't _ignore. _Where's a leggy redhead when you need one_?

If she wasn't so committed to this being a _big fucking deal_, Amy might actually have burst out laughing at that.

All things considered, her family issues were probably the least of her problems. In fact, _Bruce_ of all people had been strangely supportive, if in a _I don't really want to think too hard about this_ kind of way. Even Lauren had... well, not been nice, but at least not been any worse about it. Maybe Hester High was rubbing off on her if her indifference to her step-sister-to-be's sexuality wasn't just an act for their parents, and Amy had no doubt that Lauren had seen straight through the 'act' that was her relationship with Karma. She may not have come right out and said it —something which showed a surprising degree of discretion, really— but Amy was pretty sure that her step-sister-to-be had figured out she was gay long before she had come to accept it herself.

Which brought her to the biggest, life-changing, I-am-so-fucked-and-not-in-the-good-way issue at hand. _Was_ she gay?

All the evidence pointed to 'yes', rather strongly in fact. _But_, she reasoned rather desperately, _I could be bi_. It was a possibility, and slightly safer than admitting she was a full-blown lesbian —which she may or may not be and was, quite frankly, tired of debating— but that wouldn't change the fact that she had never really considered doing with a boy what she had done with Jess. Or anyone really. Beyond the obvious differences in anatomy, she had honestly never even thought about it.

So she tried it right then.

The first male to cross her mind was Shane, smiling that kind-of-cute-kind-of-irritating _I-know-exactly-what's-going-on-and-it-amuses-me _smile that he wore so often. She felt nothing in particular, _but_, she argued again, _Shane's gay, of course I don't feel anything for him._ She could almost hear his chiding-slash-supportive-slash-amused words ringing through her head, "_oh, honey, that's not how it works._"

_Yeah, not happening. Next. _

Next, was _him_. This time she did feel something. Murderously angry. _So not helping_. _Although..._

She drifted off, letting go of her anger and wondering when exactly he had gone from being Liam Booker —the name ran through her head in Karma's sweet, melodic tone, bringing with it a disproportionate feeling of loss, pain and longing— to _him_. Liam Booker —Karma's voice again— was that-kid-that-hung-out-with-Shane who lots of _other_ girls talked about. _He_ was a thing-that-was-not-her-and-must-be-hated-because-of-it.

She actually felt kind of bad after putting it to herself that way. It was also the moment she accepted that she might have been just a _tad_ jealous and not realised it before now. _Great, you're not just a lesbian_ —it felt surprisingly good to admit that much to herself— _you're a _clingy, jealous _one as well_.

_Or maybe not_... Remembering Jess, she didn't feel particularly attached to the girl. Hell, after seeing Karma and _hi_-Li-_him_ —_baby steps here_— going upstairs last night, it was quite possible she would have gone home with any appropriately attractive and accommodating _distraction_. Which... wasn't exactly making her feel any better.

Unbidden, her own words in this very room came back to her, "_I thought you wanted your first time to be special_." Another snort, _...and now I'm a fucking hypocrite_. The beginnings of laughter; _literally_.

Spirits raised, she mentally braced herself for one final test before bringing up her memories of last night; the way that the light from Jess' lamp fell on the girl's bare skin, the feel of her palms on those toned legs, of fingers curled in locks of red hair as lips crashed together...

As her breathing caught and a slight moan escaped her lips, Amy wondered just how good at denial she was because right now it was _pretty fucking obvious_ she was gay.

And as she fell back into memories and fantasies, her last chaste thought was that she might actually be okay with that.

* * *

_So this is what a sex drive feels like_. Stepping into the shower, Amy felt her tired body relax under the pelting heat of the water. She felt tired, dirty and... oddly satisfied in a way she hadn't been before last night.

Sure she had masturbated before —she _was_ a teenager after all— but it had never felt like _that_ before. It had always been mechanical, clinical, almost forced and it was never _that _satisfying for that long. Honestly she had wondered what the big deal about sex was because so far, she hadn't really enjoyed her forays into self-gratification.

Now? _Well_, _I'm pretty sure I like sex. _A slight shudder as she ran soap over some of her more... sensitive areas. _A lot_. It was by far the easiest thing she had had to admit all day. Besides, she was a hormonal teenage girl, she was _supposed_ to like sex. A pause as she considered just what people seemed to expect from kids her age; _well, _teenagers _are supposed to like sex. Girls? Not so much. _

That thought reminded her vaguely of one of Ivy's feminist rants —from the middle of their Homecoming Queens photoshoot, she thought— about sexist expectations. Which reminded her of Ivy herself. Which made her realise that naked in the shower while rubbing your hands all over your body was _not_ the best time to start thinking about an attractive girl you knew well enough to imagine without clothes and… _doing _things.

Amy little out a breath; half sigh, half groan. _So _this _is what a sex drive feels like. _

* * *

Clean for the first time since she left for the party the previous night, Amy's first warning of impending doom was muffled voices coming from the front door. When Karma came through her bedroom door as if hell itself was chasing her, Amy considered that she might be even better at denial than she had thought because she had completely glossed over the _reason_ she had spent the last hour considering her sexuality.

_Joy_.

After her friend had caught her breath enough to speak, the reason for her haste became apparent.

"Why haven't you been answering my calls?"

Having been forced to recognise that the rest of the world still existed and that retreating to her room hadn't magically stopped the passage of time, Amy realised with a start that she hadn't spoken to her best friend in over ten hours. There seemed something deeply unnatural about that but before she could delve deeper into the reasons she felt that way, she realised she hadn't even _heard _Karma's calls, and that meant...

"My phone!"

The words left her mouth before she could stop them, and at Karma's confused look she started thinking of how she was going to explain that if her phone wasn't _here_ then it was probably laying on the floor of the room she spent the night in, having fallen out of her pocket in Jess' eagerness to part Amy from her clothing. Then she decided she'd much rather not have that particular conversation.

"Your phone?"

"I lost it. At the party last night"

Lying did not come naturally to Amy, it was just the way that she had been raised. With Karma though, that was an _advantage_ because it meant that she took every word out of Amy's mouth as gospel truth.

"How'd you manage that one, silly?"

Ignoring the little shiver that went through her as Karma sat on the bed right next to her, she replied, with as straight a face as she could,

"A girl threw up on my jacket so I had to take it off. I think it fell out then."

She let out a sigh of relief when Karma just smiled and commented on how forgetful she was. Then she started talking about _hi_-Lia-him.

Amy wondered what she had done to piss off god today.

* * *

It was a rather surreal experience, listening to Karma go on and on about Liam —she was actually rather proud that she managed to mentally use his proper name— because after last night, after what she had done before her shower —and had to fight not to do _in_ the shower— she _got it_.

Well, not what Karma saw in him, exactly, with his stupid hair and douchey attitude —she was declaring that a word now since it described him perfectly as far as Amy was concerned— but the _concept _of being stupidly attracted to someone to the exclusion of common sense? Well, Karma _was _sitting right next to her, with gorgeous brown hair that was just begging to have fingers run through it, lips Amy was dying to taste again and soft, smooth, silky skin she wanted to touch _so badly_. She just wanted to hold her, and cuddle her, and kiss her and touch her and love her and...

Okay so maybe she wasn't paying as much attention to what Karma was actually saying as she probably should be, but since her friend's very first sentence had revealed that she and Liam _hadn't_ had sex last night —a long story involving locked doors, drunken students and, somehow, a scented candle— she had heard all she really needed to know to go from bitter longing to a warm, fuzzy feeling she hadn't felt since that first kiss in front of the school assembly.

Besides, if she payed attention she would have to remember that Karma was straight, in love-slash-lust —Amy hadn't quite figured out which one— with a guy Amy couldn't stand, and that the cuddling they were doing was strictly platonic and not a sign that Karma loved her back even a fraction as much as Amy did her.

Instead, Amy just sank into the warmth of her best friend, closed her eyes and _imagined_. Karma didn't even notice until she was fast asleep.


	3. Interaction

**A/N:** Starting off with reviews:

Nicole, thank you! Glad you've enjoyed the ride so far and I've got to say that I too have been generally disappointed by the average quality of fics for Faking It, but hopefully time can solve that little problem.

Guest, you'll have to tell me whether it counts as drama or not, but _thank_ you, regardless, for both the compliment on my work and your own thanks :)

Gamerkid, firstly thanks for coming back to keep reading! Secondly, after you finish this chapter, you might be looking forward to taht even more...

And finally f00f00, thanks for the review, and I hope that means you liked it :)

This chapter was pretty hard for me to get just the way that I wanted it. I have a doc called _Moments 03 - Scraps_ which is about twice as long as this final version of the chapter is (and it clocked in at 3019 words). I swear I must have rewritten so many parts of this, _so_ many times…

I actually scrapped the whole thing the first time I got to the climax because in my head, Amy was just standing there, arms crossed, rolling her eyes and going "Not going to happen." Why must you insist on being such a good, strong, likeable character Amy, I'm trying to _write _here!

Speaking of, updates are going to slow down until the weekend. I've got exams and final projects to hand in for Uni and that's going to eat up a lot of my weekday time, so you'll have to be patient till Saturday when I can start giving this story the attention I feel it deserves.

Thanks for reading, and enjoy.

* * *

**Chapter 3**- Interaction

The problem with life-changing realisations, is that you can't _un_realise them and that, by definition, they _change_ things in ways we might not always like.

* * *

The second time was more deliberate; a conscious decision to give in and take what she wanted because while love may be a great and beautiful thing, raw, passionate, meaningless _lust_ was far preferable to the pain, anger and heartbreak of _one-sided_ love.

It wasn't like it mattered anyway.

Amy was well aware that she was doing something monumentally stupid, potentially cruel and morally questionable. She was, after all, essentially _using_ her classmate to vent her own emotional frustrations. Even if she was being used right back. It had been the the other blonde's idea, in fact, although she wished the girl hadn't chosen a school closet to make out in. She wasn't actually sure what she was more ashamed of, the act or the cliché.

But, as she pictured _them_ together and felt the dual pains of anger and longing rear their ugly heads, she reveled in the other girl's pleased moan, slipped her hands under the blonde's shirt —she really needed to get her name at some point or this could get awkward fast— and couldn't quite bring herself to care.

* * *

Being fake-girlfriends with a girl you were actually head-over-heels in love with was a very special kind of torture.

She was hyper-aware of their joined hands, of every movement that went through her arm, of every _inch_ of flesh that was touching Karma's. She relished every smile, every grin, every _look_ that was sent her way; hoarded them jealously in her memory, where she could pretend that _she_ was the only one who got to see them, that there was no one else.

Then Karma would open her mouth, say the word '_Liam_' and all those warm, fuzzy feelings would turn into cold shards of bitter ice, buried under her skin and impossible to get out.

It was giving her emotional whiplash.

_Never fall in love with your best friend_, she thought yet again, faking indifference —badly— as her crush crooned _his_ name again. _It never ends well_.

Then Karma pouted and asked for a 'fake' kiss and Amy had to force herself to remain still as Karma leaned in to plant a quick —and disappointingly chaste— peck on her lips. It wasn't that she didn't want to kiss Karma, quite the opposite in fact. She wanted to kiss Karma so badly that given the choice she would do nothing else all day. That was the problem.

It was one thing to have Karma place the occasional peck on Amy, it was how every kiss they'd shared —with the exception of the first one in front of the school— had gone. But for Amy to turn that around, to take the initiative like she _longed_ to do? That wouldn't be a simple peck on the cheek or a mere five second kiss, it would be a full-on make-out session, preferably with heavy petting and a _lot_ of tongue.

And there was no way in hell she could play _that_ off as an act.

_This is going to be a long day_.

* * *

_Be careful what you wish for_.

Amy had made the grave mistake of looking away from Karma in search of something to distract her from the hot-and-cold, love-and-hate, I-want-you-_so-bad_-and-you-don't-even-notice feelings that Karma _insisted_ on stirring up in her. It was at that point that she realised that, seeing as this was a school, there were girls _everywhere_. It was becoming increasingly difficult for her to tear her eyes away from her schoolmates' bodies and the smoldering desire that Karma had ignited with her simple presence had quickly become a steadily growing bonfire of lust.

That everyone seemed to wanted to come up and greet them personally was _not_ helping.

Nor was that blonde over there doing jumping jacks, or the brunette in front of them whose skirt was _way_ too short for her height, or the group of a dozen or so girls wearing matching uniforms which showed off their legs and hugged their bodies in _just _the right way…

All said, she was shocked that she hadn't noticed she was gay sooner, and the sudden realisation that some of her classmates were _hot_ was a rather bizarre experience that she didn't quite know how to deal with. Then again, there were girls in short skirts and tight shirts to look at. Bizarre experiences could wait.

It was only after the group of uniformed girls had passed out of sight that her brain finally caught up with her eyes and she suddenly blurted out, "Wait, we actually have cheerleaders?"

The cute little frown of confusion on Karma's face almost made her wish for another group of _distractions_.

_Oh I am so screwed_.

* * *

Being aware that you were acting irrationally hateful towards someone, she was learning, did not _stop_ you being irrationally hateful towards someone.

It was considerably easier to accept her jealousy and remember that Liam Booker was a _human being_ and not a _thing_ to be hated when she was cuddled up alone in her bedroom with the girl she loved, as opposed to when he and Karma were actually together. That she had been dragged to the cafeteria to eat —they usually packed lunches so they had never bothered before the whole 'popularity' thing— and had to endure their not-so-subtle flirting, Shane's sympathetic gaze and the reminder that everyone else thought they were a happy little lesbian couple was making a horrible situation even worse.

She had been backsliding into calling _him_… well, _him_, since the moment they had set foot on campus, and the way the two were batting their eyes at each other —and rubbing their feet against each other, if that brush against her leg had been any indication— was only fueling the dull anger that was burning inside of her, fed by the green-eyed fires of jealousy.

Karma's doe eyes, little smiles and flirty winks; they all tore into Amy, each one digging the wound a little deeper. Because they were all aimed at _him_ and the thought that the girl next to her, the girl who had been next to her _every day_ for the past _decade_, still hadn't grasped, hadn't accepted how so-not-okay-with-this she was, how uncomfortable it made her and how much _pain_ it was causing her...

It made her question just how much she really meant to Karma, and questioning Karma's friendship felt so _wrong_, so alien, so unnatural. It went against everything their friendship was based on; mutual trust, mutual companionship and a level of understanding that only two people who have known each other their entire lives can even hope to reach.

It was one of the few times that she was thankful she was such an introvert. Nobody expected her to say much, and her short, terse responses were attributed to shyness or a lack of social skills, rather than the dull, empty anger and cold, bitter longing that were running through her.

She knew that if there hadn't been so many people watching, Karma would have had something rather poignant to say about the way Amy was treating her 'secret-boyfriend'.

And even through the heartbreak, she still felt bad for disappointing her best friend.

* * *

_How do people _do _this every day?_

She was looking forward to class for the first time in recent memory.

She need _time_ to adjust to this strange new world of sexual attraction, one-sided love and bitter envy. Her lust, her jealousy and _Karma_ were starting to get to her. Amy had no idea what might end up happening, but combining those three did _not_ seem like a good idea.

So she was in a fairly good mood as she waited outside the Chem lab for their teacher to show up.

* * *

_"Hi, I'm Jess. We have Chemistry together."_

_Oh fucking hell. _

* * *

"Amy!"

She turned at the call, face schooled into a deliberate mask of confused politeness as Karma's latest tirade came to an abrupt halt and they both faced the redhead coming up behind them.

_Shit, shit, shit, shit-_

Karma's words were polite, but not exactly friendly, none too pleased by the interruption. "Hi, do we know you?"

Jess, ever the optimist, ignored the tone to smile at Amy and hold out a small, black shape.

"I think this is yours?"

_Is that..._ Taking her phone from Jess' hand, she stared at it dumbly for a second before shaking her head and looking back up at the girl's face.

_Well I'll be damned. _

Jess's grin turned decidedly less innocent as she said in a slightly lower tone, "I found it after the party on Saturday."

_She's not even lying. _Amy snorted, and ignored Karma's curious look as she turned the phone on, returning her gaze to the redhead before responding, "Thanks, I was looking everywhere for it."

"Well, glad I could help." The tone was... huskier than it probably needed to be, and the suggestive wink that went with it was… well, _suggestive_.

It took considerable effort for her to push away the memories of bare flesh and pleasured moans that look brought to mind, although the hot rush of arousal that ran through her was harder to hide.

"See you around." Her eyes flicked from Amy, down to the phone and back to Amy; then she turned, and walked away. Just like that.

Pointedly ignoring Karma's increasingly confused expression, Amy glanced down at the phone herself, then immediately blushed scarlet and stuffed the device into her pocket.

_"Saturday night was fun. Call me if you feel like doing it again some time."_

_Not helping, Jess!_

* * *

Karma, bless her, did _not_ like being ignored, and the concept that she could be present for an entire conversation and not even be given the time of day for _eye contact_, let alone the full, undivided —and preferably adoring— attention of her fellow human beings seemed to offend her deeply. She was weird like that; one of the nicest people you could ever meet and perfectly fine not having something, but the _second_ you gave it to her —even if she never wanted it in the first place— she expected to _keep_ it.

She was also, contrary to what some people believed, _not stupid_, and that shy, introverted, antisocial Amy had just carried on a full conversation with a complete and total stranger in a manner that implied they were _not_ complete and total strangers —despite the fact that Karma had never spoken to the girl before and, therefore, Amy probably hadn't either— was setting off all kinds of alarm bells in her head.

Preventing Karma from ferreting out the sordid details of her tryst with Jess took the rest of the lesson, and was not helped by the eyes that Amy could feel _boring _into the back of her head. Once, when she had glanced up from the textbook which had occupied most of her attention —not ,as Mr. Cook might have prefered, because she was fascinated by oxidation-reduction, but rather because it hid her face from Karma's keen eyes— she had seen that it was Jess' blonde friend that was _staring_ at her from the back of the room —_I was right about that_— a thoughtful, distracted look on her face.

_Okay..._

The blonde kept glancing up at her every few minutes, still showing that odd expression, contemplative, as though she was thinking very hard about something and wasn't quite sure what to do.

_Oh this can't end well. _

* * *

To Amy's displeasure, Karma still hadn't given up on figuring out what the 'deal' was with Jess when class ended; even the vague explanation that Jess had been the one to throw up on her jacket hadn't helped the situation. The only silver lining was that Karma was so preoccupied with her friend's uncharacteristic behaviour that she hadn't mentioned _him_ once in the last hour.

So naturally _he_ chose that moment to come around the corner, and like that, Karma's concerns were forgotten and her focus shifted to the 'hottest guy in school'. Who was her 'secret-boyfriend'. And _obviously_ falling in love with her. Quite frankly, the idea made her sick, and that Karma could be so shallow about it was not making her feel any better.

As the two wandered off together, brushing up against each other in that way which made it clear they were _deliberately _not holding hands, Amy was startled by a timid voice coming from directly behind her. Spinning to face the sound, she mentally groaned after identifying the blonde from chemistry. _Staring isn't enough, now she has to _stalk _me as well?_

"Excuse me, um," the girl was fidgeting with her hands, clearly nervous about something, and the way that her eyes were flicking from Amy to Karma's retreating back made a cold wave of dread rise up in her. _Oh fuck, she knows_.

"Can I, ah, talk to you. In private." The words were rushed, so much so that Amy had to stand and think for a few seconds to make sure she'd heard them right.

"Ah, sure?" She winced. _Way to sound confident Raudenfeld_.

She waited for the girl to speak, but instead the blonde just jerked her head and started walking back inside the nearest building.

_Ah, _private _private_.

_I am _so _fucking screwed_.

* * *

When the two of them were safely sequestered in one of the school's supply closets, Amy closed the door, took a deep breath and turned… to see the blonde staring at her ass.

_What the…_

The words were blurted out, no build up or warning, but they shocked her to the core.

"Do you really have an open relationship?"

She just stared. She had thought that she knew where this was going, that someone had figured out their secret. Hell, she'd been trying to think of how she could explain the whole _me and Karma aren't actually dating_ thing without being lynched on the spot, but _this_? Stunned speechless would have been an understatement.

"What-," she coughed, trying desperately to keep the pure _shock_ and surprise from entering her voice. "Where did that come from?"

The blonde, disturbingly, seemed a lot more confident now that she had got out that first question; even going so far as to openly run her eyes over Amy's figure in a way that made it abundantly clear what she was thinking. She shivered, a little thrill of pleasure running through her at the frank appreciation in the blonde's blue eyes, even as she was trying to figure out what the _hell_ she was supposed to do in this situation.

"Jess heard Karma say it, in the art room last week."

Those words were enough to break her out of her panic and bring her thoughts back into painfully sharp focus. _Art room? Karma doesn't take art. What was she doing in-_

Liam Booker.

The name ran through her, breaking down all other thought, and brought with it an emptiness and dull, painful _ache_ that she was becoming all too familiar with lately. After everything else, all the lies, the deception, after faking it for _every fucking minute_ since Karma had gotten this ridiculous idea in her head, it shouldn't surprise her, not really. But it did. That Karma would go that far for a guy she hadn't even _fucking known_ at the time…

She had just assumed —wrongly apparently— that Liam thought that Karma was cheating on her. She may not care for gossip as much as Karma or Shane but she knew he had done it before. After all, he was _all about_ no-commitment, so it wasn't as if _he_ was the one at fault if his partners happened to have boyfriends at the time. She had honestly believed that, on _some_ level, he recognised what he was doing, that he was helping break one of the very few traditional values that Hester High still gave a damn about; that there was something intrinsically _wrong_ with his actions. But no, he thought that Amy wasn't just cool with him trying to _fuck her girlfriend_, but that he had _her goddamned permission?!_

_And he does, doesn't he?_ The thought was dark, bitter; _angry_. _You never told her not to go after him, did you? Even after all the shit that she's put on you, put you _through_, even after she stepped all over ten-goddamned_-years _of your friendship for _him_, you just couldn't say 'no' to Karma, couldn't ruin her fun._

_Well fuck that._

* * *

The blonde wasn't the best kisser that Amy had ever made out with. That honour went to Kar- _Jess_. Went to Jess. The girl had started off carefully, timidly, as if she wasn't quite sure what she was doing, but there was enough raw desire in it for her to overlook that.

She was starting to really get into it and she'd already forgotten that she was in a school closet, that if she didn't leave soon that Kar- _someone_ might come looking for her. At some point she'd pushed the blonde up against the wall, not hard enough to hurt but roughly nonetheless, before pressing the entire length of her body up against the other girl's, pushing her into the wall even harder.

As she planted kiss after aggressive kiss on the bared skin of the girl's neck and shoulder working her way down her partner's heaving chest —she'd already deprived her of the baggy shirt she'd been wearing— she lost herself in the shivers running through the blonde, in all the little moans and sighs that escaped those lips, and that _she_ was the one causing them; that it was _her_ actions, _her_ hands, _her_ lips that were making the blonde squirm and grind against her.

Then the blonde, eyes closed, sandwiched between the wall and Amy and pressing her chest _hard_ into her partner, moaned out a single word in a tone of pure lust and sexual desire, and Amy _froze_.

"_Jess..._"

_Oh fuck me._


	4. Friends

**A/N: **Well it's Saturday, and even if uni-shit ain't done, a promise is a promise so here it is.

Holy crap there were a lot of reviews after the last chapter.

Gamerkid, thanks, and thanks for sticking with this since the beginning.  
Guest#1, you're welcome and I'm glad you liked that little curve-ball.  
Nicole, thanks for the compliment and that comment too, I hadn't really noticed that I was making her more mature. She was always bound to be _different_, everyone has their own interpretation after all, but I wasn't fully aware of just how much my own thought process was influencing her characterisation till you pointed it out.  
Guest#2, I get where you're coming from —and agree to a point— but the key thing here is that we can see _why_ she's acting the way she is; we get to see the thoughts and feelings that lead to the action. Much as I'd like to reassure you on this point, to do so would require me talking about some rather important plot points in public and spoiling it for everyone else (since, as a guest reviewer, I don't have any way to discuss it with you privately. If you'd used a FF account I would have just pm'ed you) but thank you for the review regardless. Much as I love people telling me how awesome this is, a dissenting opinion is one of the most useful tools in a creator's arsenal.  
CarpeDeem, indeed :)  
Coolyo, Batmanburgersauce, thanks!  
NZfulla, thanks, I'm glad you think so, you have _no_ idea how much effort it took to set that scene up while making it seem natural.  
Noname, thanks, and me too! I've always seen Amy as the protagonist of the show, more so than Karma at least.  
Dmpanda, glad you liked it!

I went back and edited the other three chapters as well. Nothing major, just fixing a few mistakes and clearing up a few minor plot holes (how did Amy use Skwerkel maps to get home if she left her phone at Jess'?) that I noticed.

This is so short —the shortest chapter yet— because I just couldn't bring myself to swap scenes and break the mood I'd established. I'm still not entirely sure how it turned out; I can't step away from the scene in my head enough to tell (objectively) if I did it justice in words.

Thanks, and Enjoy.

* * *

**Chapter 4 - **Friends

Perhaps the greatest shock of all is that we are not alone. Someone, somewhere is going through the same thing you are; sometimes, they aren't even that far away.

* * *

Sometimes Amy wished that life came with an instruction manual. A little book that said "when you want to do _this_, follow these easy steps!" or, "when _this _happens to you, you need to do _this_," or, as she desperately needed right now, "when the girl you're about to have sex with moans someone else's name, you feel like _this_."

Should she be angry? Offended? Maybe... disappointed? She wasn't sure, because at the moment all she was really feeling was mild annoyance; less _oh-my-god-this-is-a-big-deal_ and more _oh-what-_now?

It was at that point that the other girl realised just _whose _name she was calling out in ecstasy. _At least she has the decency to look embarrassed. _

Embarrassed may have been putting it lightly, the girl's face was doing its best tomato impression and the look on her face was one of fear and abject horror; like a puppy that knows it's about to be kicked.

It was kind of cute, actually.

"Oh god!"

Gone was the confident, lustful woman who Amy had been making out with, and the nervous, timid blonde was back, stuttering out various apologies and trying very hard not to meet her eyes.

Around the third time that the girl —_fuck I need to get her name, this is getting ridiculous_— apologised for calling out her best friend's name, it hit Amy like a slap in the face that the blonde was apologising for _calling out her best friend's name_.

As the pieces fell into place, she leaned back, finally breaking contact with the girl, and looked at her —really _looked_ at her. She saw the fear in the girl's eyes, the nervous tension in her still bare frame, the face which, even to Amy, was practically screaming, _"Oh fuck, she knows._"

And she laughed.

* * *

Alex —she had finally caved and asked for the blonde's name— did not appreciate having someone laugh in her face when she was topless in a school supply closet and had just stopped herself from having sex by moaning the name of her best friend.

Amy, on the other hand, was in the middle of genuine, incredulous laughter; some deep, hidden part of her pushing through the disappointed lust, smoldering anger and pain from Karma, to roll around in amusement at the irony, the _humour _of the situation. It was a release she hadn't realised she'd needed.

Then, once she'd recovered from her sudden levity, she looked right into Alex's eyes and said with a small, wistful smile and a voice full of gentle sympathy, "It's okay. I get it."

It might have been the look on her face, guileless and caring, or perhaps it was her tone, full of genuine understanding, but for a one, single, brief moment the blonde's mask of offended pride slipped and you could see the naked longing, pain and heartbreak written clearly all over Alex's face.

Then it was gone, replaced by the towering rage of someone who has had their deepest and darkest desires dragged out into the light of day against their will. Be it fear of rejection, judgement or simple embarrassment, most people tend to react to that in more or less the same way.

They get _pissed. _

* * *

It took a full ten minutes for Alex to stop screaming.

The words had poured out of the blonde, a torrent of hurt and fury; threats, insults and more profanity than Amy had even known _existed_ before it was shouted in her face. She had persevered through it, though, fighting the instinctive response to get angry, to fight back and give even better than she got, because after the first minute of uncontrolled speech, Alex had stopped screaming at _Amy_; then she was screaming at the _world_.

She poured out her heart and soul, every torment she had experienced, all the pain that she was going through. Her parents, her brothers, her grades, her job and most importantly of all, _Jess_. She crooned the name, cursed it; cradled it and damned it, even as she let the words of love and torture flow from her like a river of sorrowful longing; one that was all too familiar to Amy.

Through it all, Amy remained still, silent, just taking in the emotions of the girl in front of her. When Alex finally trailed off, tears starting to run down her face and ragged sobs replacing the furious words, Amy reached out gently, almost tenderly, and embraced her, rocking slowly from side to side as the girl bawled her eyes out; nothing more or less than an understanding shoulder to cry on.

Because even though the girl was a stranger, even though she hadn't known anything about her or even her name until a bare ten minutes ago, she _understood_; because if their roles were reversed, if she had given in and broken down over her mother, her family, the pain and confusion and _Karma_, it was exactly what she would have wanted.

* * *

"Thank you."

The voice was rough, the girl's eyes red and raw with her whole face radiating emotional exhaustion, but the words were genuine, honest and heartfelt, and gratitude shone in those tired eyes as she gathered her t-shirt and straightened her clothes.

"Any time."

And she meant it. There was something wonderfully... liberating about the realisation that there was someone else who could _understand_; as if a burden she hadn't been aware of had suddenly been lifted. It was the knowledge that she wasn't _alone_, that despite the isolation she felt that there was at least one person who _got it_.

Standing up straight again, Alex looked back at her, face showing curiosity mixed with thankful compassion as she asked, "Do you mind if I... if I ask why?"

There was a flicker of hesitation, a tiny voice crying out that it was _her_ secret, _her_ pain, _her_ love. Then it was gone, washed away in the camaraderie of shared experience that she felt for the blonde.

"Karma..." Amy trailed off, trying to think how best to phrase it. "I love her, I really do, but she's neither my girlfriend nor gay."

_Holy crap I actually said it._

Alex's face showed confusion at that, maybe a little anger or disappointment. "You two aren't gay?" Her eyebrows furrowed a little more. "But wait, we were about to... oh. _Oh_." Sympathy flooded the girl's face, and she stepped forward and hugged Amy tightly.

After tensing slightly at the unexpected embrace, she let herself relax into the hug, sliding her hands around to Alex's back to return it. They stood like that for a few moments, Amy just taking it all in, relishing the warmth of the embrace, before she murmured, "Thank you," and separated herself from the other blonde.

"Any time."

There was a glimmer of humour in Alex's eyes as she echoed Amy's earlier statement, and Amy let out a short, happy laugh, before sobering as Alex continued, "Do you want to talk about it?"

_Do I?_ She was silent for a moment, thinking long and hard before she finally sighed.

"Not here and not now but..."

She bit her lip and glanced away from the blue eyes that seemed to be looking _into_ her, "Yes, I do."

And that was how Amy made her first real friend since Karma.


End file.
